Now, we at ESCmag love us some Fallout. Just check out the typeface we use, and the button design. When Toby and I founded the magazine, we envisioned running it from a Vault-type structure. So it’s with sadness that I say Fallout Tactics is a failed experiment, like the Leonard DiCaprio Growing Pains years.

The story is set between the two Fallout role-playing games. In this alternate world, the Cold War turned hot and all the important folks retreated to massive underground Vaults. Centuries later, the U.S. landscape is ravaged. The Brotherhood of Steel, descendants of a military vault, have been keeping peace with an iron fist. They’re stuck on the West Coast, though, so the Brotherhood sends a few squads by zeppelin to scout the evil Mutant armies farther inland.

During a huge storm, the zeppelins crash, leaving this Brotherhood offshoot stranded in Chicago. The player is a new recruit in the Brotherhood, tasked with investigating a mysterious force that’s forcing lesser evils to flee, and so we begin.

It’s a great premise for a real-time strategy game, but developers 14 Degrees East have taken the easy way out and simply plopped a new game onto a stripped-down Fallout engine. Sure, there are some new weapons and vehicles, but this is not an RTS game. The player begins by building a main character and being given two squad mates (a doctor and a gunner, who can later become a great sniper). Up to three more squaddies can be recruited throughout the game.

To be honest, I’d envisioned leading armies of Brotherhood against similar armies of mutants, a sort of redefinition that worked so well with the Might & Magic/Heroes of Might & Magic games. Let me build and stock bunkers, research weaponry, range war across the country and reclaim it from the savages.

But no. Instead, we have the player character and five others going on city-based missions. Some are search and rescue, others are search and destroy. Within one or two of the cities are side quests, but these are few. Really and truly, this is a linear, miniature version of Fallout without all the side plots. Right down to the way squaddies gain experience and can add perks and experience to factors like piloting, first aid, weaponry, et cetera.

Despite the title, only one or two levels require tactics beyond the usual RPG party-balancing. One level, the town of Quincy, asks players to rescue hostages before the raiders in each building can set off an alarm. That one works, though it does involve lots of slow, slow creeping around. Otherwise, I finished each level by simply going in guns akimbo. The trusty PipBoy now features a map with numbered "hot" points, but it was easy enough to ignore the suggested order of travel and just take care of business my way.

The best parts of this game come from its source. The apocalyptic Art Deco is always a delight, and there’s just something satisfying about watching an enemy be torn in half after a critical hit. The Maximum Blood feature is definitely not for kids, but damn if I don’t love its dark humor.

Did I mention Fallout Tactics is priced at the full-game $50? That’s right. What’s essentially a mod or add-on is going for full price. If this game had been $20, I’d have enjoyed it more, but instead while I played I couldn’t stop thinking that someone might choose between this and a true great like Black & White. If you must buy this game, wait for it to hit the bargain bin.

One more thing: Go get the patch. Really. It’s essential to gameplay, from promoting squad members to finding special encounters.